by Marty Coleman | Aug 2, 2013 | Your ID please! - 2013 |
The Soul Destructive or Hidden
The drawing is of someone with a soul of destructive fire. But the quote could also be, and probably is, more about the introvert who has a good fire in their soul but never lets it out. Either way you have to do something with your soul. You have to express it, tame it, discipline it, let it free. Leaving it trapped inside might be the thing that actually does make it destructive.
You know what your fire is, let it out for others to enjoy and be warmed by.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter
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by Marty Coleman | Aug 1, 2013 | Darien - 2013, Your ID please! - 2013 |
The High School Reunion
I am going to my 40th High School Reunion this weekend in Darien, Connecticut. Most of us are past the age of trying to impress everyone with how much we have accomplished. It’s not like the 10th where we want to have already graduated from college and grad school. It’s not like the 20th where we want to show we have a family, a career, etc. It’s not like the 30th where we want to show we are aging well and have a nice home. It’s the 40th, when most of us aren’t still climbing a corporate ladder, we are just making sure we can climb any ladder. When we are likely fussing over grandkids, not kids. When we are as likely to be helping our adult kids deal with a divorce as getting a divorce ourselves. When we are wanting to give away things more than gather things.
The Friends
The number one thing I am expecting to hear over the weekend are these words, “You haven’t changed a bit!” Of course, it’s not going to be true. Then again it will be true. My best friend will still be a joking goofball, but also an open-minded, insightful and caring friend, as he was when I first met him at age 12. My 9th grade girlfriend will still be flirty and fun. She will also be confident, witty, soft-hearted and happy, just as she was when I met her at age 14. Many others will be who they were, only older. I expect some will have changed quite a bit. Someone who was a driven corporate type will have chucked it all to be a late blooming hippy chick. Another who was a nerd will have become a suave, debonaire man of the world.
Who We Are
But what I hope most of all is, no matter who a person was or who they became, that they wake up and go into the reunion content in knowing who they are now. Confident that who they are is ok. That we, all their companions of so long ago, would not be coming to this reunion if we didn’t want to know them for who they really are. We don’t need to hide, we don’t need to pretend to be someone we are not. We are among people who love us, who are looking forward to seeing us and hugging us and celebrating life-long friendships with us. No judgment, no whispering gossip, just kind and good thoughts for our friends. It might not have been who we were in High School, but it’s who we are now, and that’s what counts, right?
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Me circa 1973, Senior Year of High School
See, this proves I haven’t changed at all, uh huh!
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Cormac McCarthy, 1933 – not dead yet, Pulitzer Prize winning American author
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 31, 2013 | Robert Pinsky, Your ID please! - 2013 |
All I remember is today is #3 of my ‘Your ID Please!’ series.
That Moment
It’s bound to happen if you live long enough in the same town. That moment when someone who contributed negatively to a difficult moment in your past appears before you. That happened to me a few months ago. I was in the middle of speaking when it happened. It threw me off my game for a few seconds, then I waved and kept on with my speech. While I was finishing the speech I was also deciding how I was going to respond to seeing this person. I made my choice quickly and with confidence. I knew exactly what I was going to do.
The Next Moment
When I was done, this person came over to ask a question. We greeted and I did what I had chosen to do (and indeed had already started to do in my mind and heart). I loved the person. That is all I did.
Love Lets In
They asked some questions about the topic, expressed some concerns about their ability to participate in our group activities and I responded with encouragement and confidence that they could. I asked questions about their experience in this area and they responded with a very profound and moving story of their life, with events, issues and challenges that would fell many a strong person. But this person had battled back over many years and was now ready to take on this next challenge.
Remembering The Future
I briefly wondered what they were thinking about as they talked to me. If they were remembering. But I didn’t linger on that. I lingered instead on the future. I saw this person’s success. I saw this person’s victory over their challenges. I saw this person’s need for my help and I saw me being happy helping. I was happy to have love in my heart.
When you have hate in your past, remember the future instead.
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by Robert Pinsky, 1940 – Not Dead Yet, American Poet
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By the way, if you share my blog posts somewhere, I always love finding out where they went, if you have the time to tell me. Thanks.
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 30, 2013 | Anonymous, Your ID please! - 2013 |
What We All Have Heard
It’s common to hear someone say, ‘You just need to be yourself.’ Our maybe you have heard someone say, ‘I lost my identity in my marriage.’ Perhaps someone has said to you, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore.’ The answer to all these dilemmas is often thought to be a turning inward, getting away from other influences, to ‘find yourself.’
Inward and Outward
But how is that really possible? What is actually going to happen when you turn inward? Are you going to find self-satisfaction in your spleen, liberation in your liver? No, you are actually going to think back. Think back to things you used to do, attitudes and beliefs you used to have. You are also going to think back to the desires you used to have about what you want to be in the future. Maybe you have dreamt of being fit and muscular like you were when you were 25. Maybe you dreamt of learning to play piano when you were 15 and never did and now the idea has come back. Maybe you have always wanted to be an artist since you were a little kid. Maybe you want to be the loving, kind person you were when you lived with your grandfather that year when you were 10.
People, Places and Things
In each of those cases there are people, images, ideas, places, you have within those dreams. They are the concrete things you identify with (even if subconsciously) when you think of these ideals and hopes. They are connected to something outside yourself.
Perhaps the piano is connected to hearing your older sister play beautiful Christmas songs every winter. Maybe the fitness is connected to the happiness, health and the pride you had in how your body looked and felt at age 25. Possibly the art is connected to your love of beautiful museums your mother took you to on vacations. And there is no doubt the love and kindness is connected to how greatly you admired your grandfather as he lived out his days.
Becoming You in the World
Our identity is not truly, completely from within. It is when we identify with the world around us, when we reach out into the world and say ‘I want to aspire to that’ that we can see our identity start to form. When we pursue those things and make them our own; practicing, refining, believing, sharing, that is when it becomes us. And that is when we, and others, can identify our identity.
Who do you want to be and where did that come from?
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous
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by Marty Coleman | Jul 29, 2013 | Chinese Proverbs, Your ID please! - 2013 |
I identify with the fact that today is the first in the ‘Identity’ series.
Prints are still available. $25.00
If you are tense, take a look and see if this might not be the problem.
Of course, to know this you have to admit what part of you is the part other people want you to be and what part is the part you want to be. That takes honest self-evaluation. Then of course the hard part come in. You have to admit it to the world and take action on it.
Have you been able to do this? How did you do it?
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Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote is a Chinese Proverb
I found it online at the Facebook page of a friend, Kimberley Clayton Blaine. She is a wise woman, someone who is constantly growing and learning. She is one of those people you are glad is in the world. You can find her at her website/blog The Go-To Mom. She’s worth following.
Kimberley Clayton Blaine
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