by Marty Coleman | Feb 7, 2014 | Marcel Mariën |
What Enslaves Us
I found this quote yesterday and decided to use it on my morning’s napkin. I have my own things I am, or have been, slave to in my life, including a few on the list below. But I was interested in what others had to say about this topic so I posted the following question on Facebook:
Question: I am drawing a napkin today about what we are slaves to. What are you now, or have you been, slave to? What about others you know? Family traits, cultural?
Here is a list of the answers people talked about.
- Alcohol
- Insecurities
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Clichés
- Cell Phone
- Nothing
- Love
- Changing environment
- Government
- Voices in my head
- Petroleum
- Facebook
- The scale
- Rules
- Urgency
- Perfectionism
- Controlling things
- Consumerism
- Righteousness
- Fear
- Death
- My boss
- Need to please
- Society standards
- Work
- Beauty
- Guilt
- Masturbation
- Expectations
- Responsibilities
And finally,
Do you have others to add? It would make me happy if you would do so in the comments.
Rule Breaker/Rule Keeper
Out of that list I chose to illustrate the idea of ‘rules’. It seemed to me that most, if not all, the items on that list came back to our dealing with rules. Rules we either think we should or should not obey. Rules cover a lot.
I have family members and good friends who see themselves as rule keepers. They feel they are able to control their lives adequately by following the rules of society, government, work, and the rules in their own head. In most cases it seems to work for them. But I also know they get incredibly stressed out at times trying to follow all these rules. It’s draining because many of them are arbitrary, don’t contribute to actual goodness, and just make no sense. And yet they still obey those rules.
I also have family members and good friends who see themselves as rule breakers (myself included). They feel it gives them a freedom and a creativity to face the world with enthusiasm and fun. In most cases it works for them. But they also can get in trouble, or cause trouble, in situations where the trouble doesn’t help anyone. It’s not the positive trouble-making I mentioned a few days ago regarding entrepreneurs, it’s the trouble that comes from being oblivious to the benefits rules give to them and others. They break them without purpose, just to do it, or just ‘for fun’ without realizing how it may hurt themselves and others. And yet they still break the rules.
Some are in both camps. They are rule keepers to the world around them, but rule breakers secretly. We all are a bit like that I think, but some are so torn between the two that their public face and their private face have nothing in common. I believe that is a very dangerous place to be.
Why Polish?
Knowing what we are enslaved by is all well and good, but if we are interested in overcoming our slavery then the next, equally important question, is:
How and why do we ‘polish the chain’ that enslaves us? What causes us to do that?
What’s your answer?
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Drawing and questions by Marty Coleman, Answers by the Napkin Kin
Quote by Marcel Mariën, 1920-1993, Belgian Surrealist
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by Marty Coleman | Feb 4, 2014 | James K. Glassman, Launching a Business - 2014 |
I hope I don’t cause trouble with #2 in my ‘Launching a Business’ series.
Launch
Last night was the first meeting of the 2014 TCC (Tulsa Community College) Launch program for Entrepreneurs. Napkin Dad Publishing is one of 15 teams taking this 16 week program on how to launch a business. As a result of this I thought I would do a series on launching a business. #1 in the series is linked below.
Me, A Trouble Maker?
Some might say so. But honestly, I am excited to learn the ‘right way’ to do things. That doesn’t mean I am going to do things that way mind you, just that I am going to learn those ways. I might do them too, who knows!
What is ‘making trouble’ anyway? I don’t know much about the business world but it seems the intent and effect of an entrepreneur with a good idea is to stir things up, causing a change to occur. For example, they might change the accepted order of things in their industry by putting out a product that threatens an existing product. They might brand, market, advertise and sell in ways completely foreign and bizarre to established players, vendors and competitors. Just look at the technology, networking and communication changes in the last 10-20 years if you don’t think that is possible. In any number of directions the entrepreneur is a trouble maker. I like that idea so maybe I am a trouble maker.
The Napkin Kin
I love my Napkin Kin and feel you all are some of the smartest and most insightful people around. I will be asking you questions, throwing out ideas, announcing directions and changes over the next several months. I am looking forward to hearing your ideas, suggestions, critiques and analysis as we move forward.
Feel free to send me your ideas. You can reach me by commenting on this or any blog post, of course. You can also drop a line directly to me at marty@napkindad.com. You can always reach me on The Napkin’s Facebook page or on twitter @thenapkindad. I look forward to hearing from you.
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Dreaming It – Launching a Business #1
The Trouble Maker – Launching a Business #2
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by James K. Glassman, 1947 – not dead yet, American business writer
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 31, 2014 | Harry Truman, Philosophy of Life - 2014 |
I, S**thead
One day long long ago, when my first wife and I were headed towards a divorce, My wife was out and I was upstairs in the computer room seething about the situation. I was really, really angry. At the same time downstairs my daughters were being really noisy with each other. They were annoying me to no end. Instead of being calm and civil about it I stomped downstairs and yelled at them. One of them asked something along the lines of ‘Why are you so angry?’. At that point I had gone into the kitchen and had started to unload the dishwasher. I had about 6 full size stoneware dinner plates in my hand. I blew up, threw the plates as hard as I could straight down on the kitchen floor and yelled, “Because your mother hasn’t loved me for most of our marriage and forgot to tell me, THAT’S why!”
My words, actions and the breaking of the plates froze them in place where they were in the living room, eyes and mouths wide open in disbelief. It obviously scared the s**t out of them. It was, in my opinion, the single worst behavior I ever exhibited in front of my kids and I deeply regret any emotional damage it did to this day.
I calmed down almost immediately, apologized and started to clean up the broken plates. My wife came home right then and asked what happened. One of the kids said I had dropped some plates and my wife thanked me for cleaning it all up. I considered not saying anything and just letting her believe I was doing a good deed. But I didn’t. I responded to her compliment by telling her the truth. She later said that was one of the critical moments of our final year that tilted her towards divorce.
Girls, if you are reading this, I am still really sorry I did that.
No Blame
Now, of course, there was no way for my kids to know I was a pile of fresh s**t having a hot emotional day. They were not to blame in the least for my incredibly stupid outburst. I tell the story to illustrate that most of the time when we are confronted with a s**thead acting s**tty we haven’t done anything purposely to provoke him or her. We are just in the wrong place at the wrong time and aren’t to blame.
Philosophy of Life, Really?
So, how is this a philosophy of life? Well, in the small sense, when we know we don’t have to do anything to have s**theads come across our path way too often, there’s no reason on earth to make life even harder by purposely provoking a s**thead, right?
In the larger sense, it’s as simple as this, don’t do stupid things on purpose.
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Drawing and life story by Marty Coleman
Quote by Harry S. Truman, 1884-1972, 33rd President of the United States
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 29, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
You can’t be depressed knowing today is #7 in The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living, can you?
The Funeral Reason
When my ex-father in law died I attended the memorial service. I didn’t give a eulogy and I didn’t sing. It appeared as if I just sat and experienced others expressing themselves. But they weren’t doing it just for themselves, they were representing a community of people. Their expressions were on our behalf and that made it our expression as well.
Later, at the reception, I spoke briefly of my memory and love for this man. It was my own expression but from the smiles and laughs and tears I saw around me I knew my expression was more than just my own. We were all lifting each other.
It’s often said we have funerals and memorial services for closure. But I am not sure it’s the main reason. After all we don’t close the book on that person’s life and forget about them, do we? The main reason, in my mind, for a funeral is expression. Why is that? Because, expression is one of the most important ways to defeat depression.
Depression By Any Other Name
Just to be clear, I am not talking about the clinical definition, but the broad, lay meaning of depression as you might find in these statements; ‘I am depressed my BF broke up with me.’ ‘I am in a funk that I didn’t get the raise.’ ‘I am really bummed my great Aunt passed away.’ There are all sorts of ways to say it but, whatever the word, the sentiment is pretty much the same, you are depressed.
Expressive Ways
How do we express ourselves out of depression and back to happiness? We might listen to the music or write the music, see the art or create the art, read the book or write the book. But whatever we do, we take expressive action of some sort. THAT is the key. It’s in our expressive action that we start the ball rolling back towards happy living.
So, if you are depressed, go get your pencil and draw, stand up and sing, find your keyboard and play, get your laptop and write that short story. Whatever it is you do to express yourself, go do it, see if it doesn’t help bring you back to your happiness.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 28, 2014 | Illustrated Short Stories, Marty Coleman |
The Shower in 1992
Prologue
Shannon was excited to go skiing but she didn’t realize until they got there that they were going to be living dorm style for the week. It made her nervous because she was very shy about her body.
Chapter One
The first 2 days she was able to avoid being in the bathroom when anyone else was by going very early in the morning to shower. Shannon freaked out the second morning when she heard the door open while she was washing her hair but whoever it was went to the bathroom quickly and left, leaving her alone again. She was relieved.
On the third morning she overslept and by the time she got into the bathroom someone was already in the shower. She was going to go back to the room and just forget the shower when the shower turned off and a woman emerged from it. She only had to take 2 steps to get her towel but she only took one step out and stood there. Shannon was frozen, looking in the mirror as the woman squeezed her hair to get out as much water as possible. She looked past the woman’s body to the snowy hills in the window above her. She could feel her face flush with embarrassment.
The woman, without looking at Shannon or asking if she was going to shower, said, “Sorry for taking so long but I think there is plenty of hot water left”. She grabbed a towel and started drying her hair.
Shannon, still looking anywhere but at the woman, said, “That’s ok, I don’t take long showers so it probably will last”.
Shannon’s body stiffened when she saw the woman take a step towards her, still with just one towel, which she had wrapped around her head. She could see her reach out her hand and knew she was going to introduce herself. She didn’t know what else to do but turn around and face her. She reached out her hand and the woman took it, saying, “Hi, my name is Sinann, what’s yours?” Shannon introduced herself in return. “Nice to meet you.” Sinann said as she turned back to get her second towel. She started to dry herself.
Sinann moved over a number of steps to a bench and said, “I’m out of your way, you can get in now.” Shannon was freaking out. She absolutely panicked anytime she anticipated people seeing her body, even in a bathing suit at the beach or a pool. She always wore a t-shirt and shorts over her bathing suit and never, ever took them off, even when going in the water, unless she was alone. The idea of someone seeing her naked was completely unbearable.
Finally, she realized she was going to have to say something. She looked at Sinann and said, “I’m sorry, but I am really, REALLY self-conscious about my body so I am going to wait until you are done, is that ok?”
Sinann, looked up, covered herself with her second towel and said, “Oh my god, I am SO SORRY! I didn’t even think about that. I will get out of your way asap. And I am REALLY sorry for not covering up right away. I am so bad about that.”
Shannon let her shoulders relax and smiled. “It’s not your fault, I am just super weird about it. It’s something I need to work on.”
Sinann smiled back and said, “Well, we both have something to work on I guess, right?”
Shannon laughed and said, “It seems we do!”
Epilogue
Shannon and Sinann found themselves on the same ski lift later that day and laughed hard about the morning’s start. They decided to have lunch together in the ski chalet and by the time they were done they had both made the decision in their own heads that this was the friend they had been looking for their whole life.
They have been best friends for 22 years now. Shannon still doesn’t get naked in front of anyone and Sinann still does.
The End
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Drawing and short short story by Marty Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 24, 2014 | Britt Greenwood |
The Interview
The same day I left on my emergency trip to California to visit my ailing father, I was interviewed by Britt Greenwood for the Tulsa World’s online edition. She is from Glenpool, where I live, and is doing a number of interviews with artists and other creative types who live in our town. We met at a new coffee house in Glenpool called ‘The Well’.
She wanted to write an article about what the Napkin Dad had been up to in recent years. Here it is.
Marty at The Well – © 2014 Britt Greenwood/Tulsa World
Glenpool’s ‘Napkin Dad’ to appear at SXSW
Many thanks to Britt for taking the time to sit and talk with me about my art and my business. I really appreciated it.
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The Interviewer
As usual, I requested that I be able to photograph or draw the person interviewing me. I’ve done this since I was first interviewed in 2009. Since I had my sketchbook with me it made sense to do a drawing of her.
Britt Greenwood-
drawing in progress
Here are the final drawing.
And here is the photo I took of her after I did the line drawing in the sketchbook.
Britt Greenwood
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The Artist
She is also an artist. Here is a triptych of her ‘Twisted’ series in wire. If you are from anywhere near Tornado Alley in the U.S. you know what this is all about!
Twisted – Britt Greenwood
It’s always so much fun to be interviewed. I have met some of my favorite people this way and I think Britt will be in that category from now on as well.
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Drawing and photograph of Britt by Marty Coleman
Article, Wire Sculpture and photo of me by Britt Greenwood
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 22, 2014 | Marty Coleman, The Napkin's Guide to Happy Living |
I judge today to be a great day for you to enjoy Happy Living #6!
The Ballerina in Your Living Room
Back in the 1990’s I taught Art Appreciation at a Community College in California. I once took my students on a field trip to San Francisco to do some gallery hopping. While in one gallery I noticed a student contemplating a certain Abstract Expressionist painting. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “I wouldn’t put it in my house.” That statement got me thinking so I gathered up the class and asked how many others had thought that same thing. More than half raised their hands. I then said, “Well guess what? It is unlikely that that painting, or any of the other paintings here, will ever BE in your house. They all have price tags of $100,000.00 to $500,000.00.”
I continued, “Would you go to a Ballet and say, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have that Ballerina in my living room.’? Of course not. You KNOW she is not going to be in your living room. You don’t need to judge her as if she is. Actually, you don’t need to judge her at all. And you don’t need to judge the art in this room. You might enjoy the work more if you judge it less. Now let’s evaluate these paintings again, without the idea of possession and judgment in the way of our enjoyment”. We then walked around talking about the work without judging it good or bad or worthy of being over our couch. We were all much happier without the judgment.
Obsessed with Judging
I believe America is obsessed with judging and I think it’s debilitating to creativity, compassion and happiness. I don’t mean there is not a time to judge. I like talent shows and I don’t mind the judging that has to go on there. We also need to judge behaviors to keep ourselves safe. The law is all about judging, and I am a fan of the law in general. But think about how almost every aspect of American (and probably many other countries’ social life) is filled with non-stop judging.
The Non-Judgmental Tattoo
Let’s take one example, tattoos. I happen to like tattoos, yet I have none of my own. Neither does my wife. I am pretty sure none of my 4 daughters do either, but if they do, they aren’t apparent. But I like tattoos nonetheless. Why? Because they are interesting. And they aren’t mine. They are simply something I witness go by. Part of what I call the passing parade. I can witness, admire, observe, evaluate, investigate, explore, question, wonder, imagine, and otherwise enjoy a tattoo that passes in front of me. But I will unlikely do any of those things if I judge it first. Judging cuts off those things, cuts off happiness. Judgment says good or bad and done. Case is closed.
But why does the case have to be closed? What is so important that I have to render a judgment of a woman’s snake tattoo as she walks by. Why can’t I just enjoy it, experience it? What will happen if I just look at it, explore it, contemplate it’s color, texture, shape, and meaning. Why not ask her about her tattoo? Why not just let it pass without judging it? We will be happier, I know that much.
What other examples can you think of where we tend to judge quickly when there isn’t any real need to judge at all?
Don’t Judge
Here are some tattoos I have found and photographed over the years. It always makes me happy when I find one. See if you can simply explore them without judgment.
It’s not that easy, is it? But it is worth it to escape the debilitating, uncreative, unhappy prison of judgment.
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Love – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #1
Courage – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #2
Home – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #3
Education – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #4
Transformation – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #5
Judging – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #6
Expression – The Napkin’s Guide to Happy Living #7
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Drawing, photographs and commentary by Marty Coleman, who might get one someday, who knows.
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 21, 2014 | Charles de Montesquieu |
God is Us
Have you ever noticed that those who believe in God tend to believe in a God much like themselves? Those who are judgmental, tend to believe in a God that is about judgment. Those who are meek tend to discover that God is meek as well. Those who are powerful, their god is also powerful. Those who are artists tend to believe in a creative God. Of course we mix and match attributes, I might be creative and judgmental, another might be meek and creative, and the God we discover is a mashup of attributes.
God is the Missing Us
And then again, some believe God is what they are not. A friend of mine from years ago felt unworthy of love and acceptance. Her God was forgiving, loving, and accepting. Another friend was severely disorganized in life. His God was all about order amidst the chaos. Their God was what they were not but what they needed.
What if God Was One of Us?
In the end, I believe this is what we will find. And that is good with me.
Joan Osborne – One of Us – 1995
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote is anonymous. The quote was mentioned in a 1721 letter by French diplomat Charles de Montesquieu as a saying he had recently heard that he greatly admired.
It was most likely an adaption of a 1674 observation by Dutch philosopher Benedict Spinoza, “If a triangle could speak, it would say that God is eminently triangular, while a circle would say that the divine nature is eminently circular.”
The idea didn’t start there though. The 6th century B.C. Greek Philosopher Xenophanes said this, “If oxen and horses had hands, and were able to draw with their hands and do the same things as men, horses would draw the shapes of gods to look like horses and oxen would draw them to look like oxen.”
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 20, 2014 | Martin Luther King Day, Marty Coleman |
He had a dream that we would someday allow everyone to have their own dream. Silly or profound, understood or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is being free to dream it.
The Dream of a Different Martin
A dream of a brightly colored self and a matching kite smiling in the wind, yes.
A dream of floating above a canyon, far above the dangerous water, yes.
A dream of radio and rock and roll, yes.
A dream of green across the sky, yes.
A dream of a serenading snake, yes.
A dream of a cat as important as the sun, yes.
A dream of a sailboat waiting for you to make it move, yes.
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Drawing and poem by Martin Coleman
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by Marty Coleman | Jan 8, 2014 | John Barresi |
I fear you might need to hear what the Napkin says today.
Fear and/or __________?
This quote is pretty self-explanatory; What you need is also what you fear. I think it’s true, do you?
now let’s go a step further. Let’s substitute the word ‘fear’ with another word (or words) you think also make a true statement.
What word or words would you put in it’s place? And why?
Examples
What examples from your own life prove this to be true, either now or in the past.
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Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who fears not knowing what I fear.
Quote by John Barresi – sent by Peter Meek
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