Ten years ago today I started what is now ‘The Napkin’. My first post on the website introduced my readers to why. The original post ends with events of 2009. Since then ‘The Napkin’ has been seen and read all around the world and as a result I have gained many true and wonderful friends from my home town all the way to the most distant of lands. Something I will forever treasure.
The Napkin Dad Daily began as a series of drawings and quotes on napkins that I put in my daughters’ lunches during their middle and high school years, most every day from 1998 -2004.
I started doing the napkins while I was unemployed and making their lunches for school. I did 3 a day, one for each daughter. After many months I felt sort of depressed because, as funny as it sounds, it was the my main creative outlet, the only artwork I was doing at the time, and they were all being thrown away every day. ‘Oh well’ I said, and went about doing them until the end of the year.
My wife at the time was not happy in the marriage (we later divorced) and took the girls to California to visit her family in the summer, and I was not invited. I was home alone on Father’s day when the girls called to tell me they had hid their presents for me around the house. I walked around the house following their hints and found my oldest’s and my youngest’s presents.
My middle daughter directed me to a bottom drawer somewhere and there I found a napkin she had drawn for me …
and below it…there were all the napkins from the entire year! She had saved every one and given them back to me for Father’s Day. It truly was the best present I ever got, I cried when I found them. She really didn’t, and couldn’t, understand how much it meant to me to have her do that, and to have them still in existence. I continued to draw the napkins for 4 more years, almost every day, until my youngest graduated from High School.
In 2005 I started scanning them little by little and posting them to my flickr.com site, which I had set up for my photographic work but had been posting drawings to as well. The napkins got a great response and I started to consider ways I could get them out to a larger audience. In 2008 I started the blog you see here, the Napkin Dad Daily, and started posting a napkin a day. Eventually I added commentary below some of the napkins, in response to conversations that were going on in the comments, or on flickr.
In November of 2008 I was enthusiastic over the exciting presidential campaign and glad that Obama had won. I went looking through my napkin collection to see if I could find one that would be reflective of my feelings the morning after the election. I could not and so decided to draw a new napkin, the first in almost 4 years at that point. I posted the napkin on my blog and on flickr and had an incredible response. Hundreds of hits and comments came in, as they did on many other images people posted that day.
A few weeks later I got an email from flickr stating that Time Magazine was interested in one of my ‘photos’ for inclusion in an upcoming issue. They said if I was interested to contact Time for further information, which I did. I found out they were interested in using that napkin drawing in their ‘Person of the Year’ issue about the President-elect Barack Obama.
When the issue came out the local media in Tulsa took notice and I started to do some print and TV interviews. In anticipation of that I made my first self-published book, a t-shirt with the Obama napkin on it, and a series of coffee mugs. You can see those at my website. A number of companies and individuals saw the various segments and articles and as a result drawing, web design and graphic design work has come my way.
A local gallery & coffee house expressed interest in having a show of the napkins. In May of 2009 I opened the show, title ‘Absorbent Ideas’.
To keep up to date with the napkin story subscribe to The Napkin Dad Daily. you will get a napkin a day AND find out when anything new and exciting happens.
When I first drew this I was anticipating having word bubbles for each of the people, each one saying something that would clue the viewer in to who was understanding and who was misunderstanding.
But I was streaming the drawing of the image live and the people watching the broadcast had different answers to this question. At that point I realized it would be much more interesting to just have the viewer make their own choice as to who is seeing things clearly and who is not. I decided the word bubbles weren’t needed.
And so I ask you, who is understanding little and who is misunderstanding a lot? By the way, just in case you are the type that worries about this, there is no right answer. Your choice is valid, as are your reasons. So, let’s hear them!
I drew this 10 years ago today. It was shortly after I had restarted drawing on napkins after a few years hiatus after my daughters’ graduated from High School. You can see I kept the same style of a quick line drawing only adding a little color. As time went on I simply added more of all that and took more time on each drawing.
Here are my questions: Who runs over them? Whose fault is it? Why did they stay in the middle?
What are your answers?
Drawing @ 2019 Marty Coleman | napkindad.com
“We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.” – Ambrose Bierce
I drew this and wrote the commentary 6 years ago today (my birthday, by the way).
Perfect
I had a conversation yesterday with a beautiful and fit woman. The topic? How she gets judged and made fun of for being ‘perfect’. I have had this conversation before with other women as well. It’s almost easier to make fun of that ‘perfect’ person, isn’t it? None of the guilt or shame you feel when laughing at a person who looks funny or talks funny. That would be mean, cruel, hateful, immature, ignorant, and judgmental and we wouldn’t do that, would we?
Better Than
So what is it when the object of your derision or judgment is ‘better’ than you, not worse? What name do you give to your response when the person you are making fun of or cutting down somehow appears to be nicer, smarter, more fit, more thoughtful, more giving, more balanced, more conscientious, more diligent, more loving, more sensitive, wealthier, prettier, sexier, happier?
I have a few words we could use. How about mean, cruel, hateful, immature, ignorant, and judgmental? Perhaps we could add in jealousy and envy for good measure?
All That is Hidden
Let’s just focus on the word ignorant. We will focus on it because it applies to what you know. And guess what, unless you’ve taken the time to care, YOU KNOW NOTHING about any person’s insides. You don’t know the struggle she’s had to get up at 5am most mornings to exercise before the kids are awake. You don’t know about her garish stretchmarks. You don’t know the abuse she had at the hands of her mother. You don’t know the dyslexia she had to overcome in school. You don’t know the prejudice she felt being so tall and skinny and flat chested in 9th grade. You don’t know about the skin condition she has on her back that makes her itch like crazy. You don’t know about how hard she works to stay connected to her husband who is busy all the time. You don’t know about her debilitating fear of flying. In other words, YOU KNOW NOTHING about her interior and very little about her exterior.
Your Quiver
You see the facade and you make fun because she is an easy target. And she is an easy target. But if you can target her for derision, you also have the power to target her for love, compassion, mercy, patience, kindness, gentleness and more. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter who the target is, it matters what the weapon is. Are you aiming to be derisive, judgmental person? Use the arrow of hate. Are you aiming to be a loving and compassionate one? Use the arrow of love. You have both in your quiver, just bring out the right one and shoot. The more you reach for the right arrow, the more that arrow will end up in your hand without you even knowing it.
_______________
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman, who has a lot of scars.
I drew this and wrote the essay 5 years ago today. I still believe it.
The Ballerina in Your Living Room
Back in the 1990’s I taught Art Appreciation at a Community College in California. I once took my students on a field trip to San Francisco to do some gallery hopping. While in one gallery I noticed a student contemplating a certain Abstract Expressionist painting. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, “I wouldn’t put it in my house.” That statement got me thinking so I gathered up the class and asked how many others had thought that same thing. More than half raised their hands. I then said, “Well guess what? It is unlikely that that painting, or any of the other paintings here, will ever BE in your house. They all have price tags of $100,000.00 to $500,000.00.”
I continued, “Would you go to a Ballet and say, ‘Well, I wouldn’t have that Ballerina in my living room.’? Of course not. You KNOW she is not going to be in your living room. You don’t need to judge her as if she is. Actually, you don’t need to judge her at all. And you don’t need to judge the art in this room. You might enjoy the work more if you judge it less. Now let’s evaluate these paintings again, without the idea of possession and judgment in the way of our enjoyment”. We then walked around talking about the work without judging it good or bad or worthy of being over our couch. We were all much happier without the judgment.
Obsessed with Judging
I believe America is obsessed with judging and I think it’s debilitating to creativity, compassion and happiness. I don’t mean there is not a time to judge. I like talent shows and I don’t mind the judging that has to go on there. We also need to judge behaviors to keep ourselves safe. The law is all about judging, and I am a fan of the law in general. But think about how almost every aspect of American (and probably many other countries’ social life) is filled with non-stop judging.
The Non-Judgmental Tattoo
Let’s take one example, tattoos. I happen to like tattoos, yet I have none of my own. Neither does my wife. I am pretty sure none of my 4 daughters do either, but if they do, they aren’t apparent. But I like tattoos nonetheless. Why? Because they are interesting. And they aren’t mine. They are simply something I witness go by. Part of what I call the passing parade. I can witness, admire, observe, evaluate, investigate, explore, question, wonder, imagine, and otherwise enjoy a tattoo that passes in front of me. But I will unlikely do any of those things if I judge it first. Judging cuts off those things, cuts off happiness. Judgment says good or bad and done. Case is closed.
But why does the case have to be closed? What is so important that I have to render a judgment of a woman’s snake tattoo as she walks by. Why can’t I just enjoy it, experience it? What will happen if I just look at it, explore it, contemplate it’s color, texture, shape, and meaning. Why not ask her about her tattoo? Why not just let it pass without judging it? We will be happier, I know that much.
What other examples can you think of where we tend to judge quickly when there isn’t any real need to judge at all?
Don’t Judge
Here are some tattoos I have found and photographed over the years. It always makes me happy when I find one. See if you can simply explore them without judgment.
It’s not that easy, is it? But it is worth it to escape the debilitating, uncreative, unhappy prison of judgment.
