A few days ago I had a client meeting at Starbucks. I stayed after it was over to drink the rest of my coffee and draw. Two women were having a conversation close to me, one facing me, the other away, and it seemed I could get in at least a quick sketch before they left.
I did a quick pen and ink napkin drawing. What was interesting was both of them were sitting up straight. Neither leaned back in their chair, except briefly. The one facing away was particularly still the entire time, sitting on the very edge of her chair.
A few days later I finished the napkin drawing, coloring it in a somewhat fanciful way, not really worrying about accuracy because of the other drawing I did of them that same morning.
The Sketchbook Drawing
I took a chance they would stay a while and brought out my sketchbook and did another, more detailed, drawing of them. It probably took about 45-60 minutes to do the drawing.
Because they both sat so straight and still it was a great opportunity to get more in depth with the shading.
When I got home I immediately started working on the drawing. I like the finished drawing; the colors, shading and mood feel right. The only part that bothers me is where the two arms meet in the bottom middle of the drawing. It flattens things out in an odd way, making them look like they are next to each other instead of one being in front of the other.
Connecting
When I finished they were still talking. I usually draw people who are alone so it’s no big deal to come up to them when I am done drawing and show it to them. I may be interrupting something but it’s not going to be a conversation (unless they are on the phone/facetime, etc, in which case I don’t interrupt). In this case I knew I would be interrupting a conversation but I felt it would be worth it.
I showed them the drawings, first the sketchbook drawing, then the napkin. The women who was facing away, Elizabeth, didn’t seem to be appreciative of the interruption, which makes sense, since I WAS interrupting. Megan, who was facing me and whose face you see in the drawings, seemed more enthusiastic but still muted in her response.
And that illustrates why drawing two strangers and showing it to them is harder than drawing one. There is the consideration of the other person to take into account when responding to the artist. The dynamic of three is a lot more complicated than the dynamic of two. It’s the same reason that while I understand the desire & need, it can often be awkward when someone escorts a model to a photo shoot. The model is responding to the escort at times, instead of to me as the photographer. And it’s the reason that while people may dream of a menage a trois it barely ever happens in real life because it would be way too complicated (no, I haven’t).
I usually like to get a photo of the model with the drawing but given the situation I decided it would be too intrusive and didn’t ask. I always regret not asking. But I gave them my business card and told them the drawings would be done and up on ‘The Napkin’ by next week. Hopefully they will come see it.
Yes, she had to stay at her brother’s apartment Ruth told their mom. Yes, she knew that meant mom would have to find someone else to let the dog out to go pee during the day, but she still needed to stay over there.
Ruth made a list of things she needed to do before she got there and another list of things to do after she arrived. The final thing on the first list was to pick her brother up at the rehab place. The first thing on the second list was to recheck his apartment one more time for any alcohol. She found none.
She cooked dinner for her brother, who was uncommunicative and surly. They watched TV until late then he went to bed. She wasn’t comfortable going to sleep until she was pretty sure he was out for the night. She finally faded off around 4am, sleeping on a fold-out couch in her underwear.
What the Fire Did – Chapter Two
She was aroused from a dead sleep by the smell of smoke. She immediately started coughing and her eyes started burning. She couldn’t see. She yelled for her brother but got no response. She crawled to his door with her t-shirt over her mouth, trying to breathe. She touched the doorknob and it burnt the palm of her hand. She called for him again but got no response. She crawled back towards the front door and opened it. She got up and ran down the stairs out onto the lawn.
Ruth was in pain, her legs felt hot and she smelled burning flesh. She saw a TV news truck, an ambulance, a cop car and a bunch of people hanging around, many pointing at her. She collapsed in front of the ambulance just as a paramedic was coming towards her. They were able to get her on one of those rolling beds they use and started to investigate what her injuries were. She was able to look back at the apartment for a brief moment and saw 3 buildings burning, including the middle one she had run out of.
She was whisked off to the hospital where she found out her legs had been pretty badly burned. She was exhausted and pretty much passed out once she got out of the ER and into the ICU. She was awakened again and again for various reasons but it was all a blur.
What The Nurse and Doctor Did – Chapter Three
When she awoke the next morning she was jolted by seeing the massive bandages on her legs. She felt like the world started spinning as she realized where she was and what had happened to her. She dropped her head back on the pillow and let the world spin.
When she raised her head back up a nurse was walking in. He introduced herself as Samha, asked how she was doing and explained what was happening. She had her burn wounds cleaned out a bit last night, they were covered in a cream to help loosen the remaining dead skin, then they were wrapped with gauze to protect them. This dressing was going to be taken off this morning and her wounds examined by the doctor. Then they would be cleaned again and dressed again. This would be repeated twice a day until she was ready for a skin graft, if it was needed. She told her the rest of the medical treatments would be explained by the doctor when she came in.
Ruth was about to ask about her brother when the doctor came in. She was perhaps 50 years old, had wiry salt and pepper hair pulled back in a pony tail and wore black rimmed glasses. Her full lips were covered in a deep but bright red lipstick. As much pain as she was in, she wanted that lipstick. She thought it very weird that she thought that. The Dr. smiled and started talking as she looked down at the chart. She introduced herself as Dr. Fernandez. Ruth asked her straight out, “What happened to my brother?”
Dr. Fernandez looked at her with kind eyes and said, “Your brother wasn’t able to make it out. I am very sorry.” The world started spinning and she dropped her head back once again.
What Her Dad Did – Chapter Four
She pretty much slept through the first 2 days. When she awoke her father was there. He had brought Ruth her phone, her tablet, her latest Vogue magazine and a book that had been on her nightstand. He had also brought a small rolling suitcase with her makeup and other toiletries as well as a underwear, various tops and a sweatshirt for if it got cold.
Her mother would be at the hospital later, her father said. She had an appointment at the funeral home and had to take the dog for a walk. Ruth didn’t mind. She would rather see her father anyway, less stress, less guilt, less feeling inadequate. She knew her mother loved her, but she also knew she loved her brother more. She would figure out a passive aggressive way to indirectly blame Ruth for his death, she had no doubt.
There was a food tray on the rolling thing, she didn’t know what those things were called. Her father asked her if she wanted to eat and she realized she was very hungry. She wolfed down the salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, not caring in the least that it tasted institutional. She actually smiled when she got to the Jello cup. It was her favorite flavor, grape.
What the Fire Did, Part 2 – Chapter Five
Ruth and her father talked for a long time about what happened and he filled her in on some details. The fire had started in the apartment next door. A burner had been left on under a frying pan and the leftover grease in the pan had caught on fire. They think it had caught a dishrag that was next to the stove on fire and that it had fallen to the kitchen floor and caught the a little kitchen rug and part of the cabinet door on fire. That led to the entire kitchen going up.
When the people in the apartment realized what was happening it was way too late. They ran out the door and the air coming in fed the fire even more. The kitchen wall was the shared wall with her brother’s bedroom and the fire took out that wall almost immediately. It’s very likely he was dead from smoke inhalation before she had even woken up her father said.
What the Nurse Said – Chapter Six
When her father left she had her dressings changed. She was completely grossed out to see her legs so violently stripped of skin, glistening with bubbly disgusting wet…she didn’t know what it was. What is under your skin but before the muscle called anyway? It didn’t matter, it was terrible and that’s all she knew.
If that wasn’t enough, it hurt like hell to take of the bandages, clean the wound and put new bandages on. She decided this recovery process would be a good ‘enhanced interrogation’ technique for spy masters. She knows she would tell anyone anything they wanted to know to stop this pain, that much was for damn sure. She was glad Samha the nurse wasn’t asking questions though because he would have blushed at her confession. As bizarre as it sounded, even to her, having this incredibly handsome but gentle man tend to her wounds was just about the most loving thing that had ever happened to her in her life. She thought it extremely unlikely these two things would ever be combined, but right then they certainly were.
She thanked him, telling him she could never do what he did, it was just so hard and so gross. He then said something that changed Ruth’s life forever. He said, “But it’s actually very easy to do because I love you.”
“You love me? What do you mean, you don’t even know me.” She responded.
He said, “Is what I am doing a loving thing to do for someone?”
“Yes, of course.” she said.
“And that means I love you.” he said with a light smile.
He was just about to the door when he turned and said, “I know you are the same you know. Your mother told me of how you cared for your brother. I think you are a lover, not a fighter.”
Ruth sat stunned. Love, loving, lover. All of a sudden she understood the connection.
What Ruth Did – Chapter Seven
When Ruth got out of the hospital 5 weeks later her father picked her up and drove her to her apartment. As soon as he left she went down to her car under the car port. She tried to start it, fully expecting the battery to be dead but it wasn’t. She was nervous about driving, her legs were so weak and she had a stick shift that demanded a pretty strong left leg for the clutch. She gingerly drove around the apartment complex parking lot, realized it wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be and drove straight to her brother’s grave.
She sat on the wet ground and talked to him for a long time. She told him she had tried to get to him and apologized for not being able to save him. She asked him to say hi to Grandma and Grandpa, told him she would take care of his record collection. She told him about Samha and what he said about love. She said that that one comment had clarified exactly what it was she was to do with her life. She hated that it took such a tragedy she told her brother, but she wanted to let him know that his death had at least one good thing come out of it, his sister now knew her purpose in life.
After she left the cemetery she drove back to her apartment. She sat down at her computer and wrote an email to her friend Mandy from college. She knew Mandy was off in Thailand helping at a orphanage, having seen a few Social Media posts of hers over the past 6 months. Ruth wrote asking if she needed any help.
Epilogue
Ruth joined Mandy at the orphanage a month later. Mandy actually ended up coming back home to the US 3 months after that. Ruth however stayed at the orphanage. She met the love of her life, a co-worker at the orphanage who was raised in the local village. They were married 3 years after she arrived. They adopted one child from the orphanage and named him Samha.
Ruth lived with no regrets, loving deeply and completely the rest of her life.
Many of you will remember Monica Lewinsky, the White House intern caught up in the 1998 Clinton impeachment scandal due to her affair with the President. She recently gave a TED talk about public shaming, something she knows a lot about. It’s a fantastic lecture and she brings up what I think is a horrible aspect of contemporary life, even more harsh than when she was in the center of the storm, and that is public humiliation and shaming.
Miles of Headlines
She had a number of great lines in the lecture and this quote was at the top of the list. It perfectly updates the old quote about walking a mile in someone’s shoes to apply to our current world. To really understand what the people most affected by public humiliation and shaming, think about living through the headlines and publicity they have to live through.
Compassion and Empathy
What she is asking for is to be compassionate and empathic in the cyber world as well as in the real world. Now, it’s important to clarify one thing. Feeling compassion for someone does not mean you are absolving them of guilt. Being empathic does not mean you don’t approve of some serious consequences for their actions or words. Having both in your repertoire of responses simply means you treat that person as you would like yourself to be treated, with understanding.
Influence and Power
Here is her suggestion for action;
The theory of minority influence,proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici,says that even in small numbers,when there’s consistency over time,change can happen.In the online world, we can foster minority influenceby becoming upstanders.To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy,we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation.Trust me, compassionate comments help abate the negativity.We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizationsthat deal with these kinds of issues,like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S.,In the U.K., there’s Anti-Bullying Pro,and in Australia, there’s Project Rockit.
We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression,but we need to talk more aboutour responsibility to freedom of expression.We all want to be heard,but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intentionand speaking up for attention.The Internet is the superhighway for the id,but online, showing empathy to othersbenefits us all and helps create a safer and better world.We need to communicate online with compassion,consume news with compassion,and click with compassion.Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.
I agree with her. I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions as well.
Ted Talk
Here is the video of her talk.
You can go to the written transcript from there if you prefer to read it.
“Good art should illicit a response of ‘huh? Wow!’ not ‘Wow! Huh?'” – Ed Ruscha
Denver
Whenever I travel I like to check in advance to see if there are any cool museums I should hit. I often am wanting to see the architecture as much as the art. In 2009 I hit the jackpot with the Denver Museum of Art. It’s an amazing structure that had amazing art inside.
One of the pieces there was this one, ‘Molten Polyester’ by Ed Ruscha. I hadn’t seen any of his work in decades, since I had been in graduate school. I had no idea he was doing these larger pieces with epic mountains and words and it resparked my interest in his work.
Molton Polyester – 2005
Words
As a Napkin Kin you know how much I like words and that almost every napkin is a combination of words and images. Then it’s no surprise that one of my favorite artists over the years has been Ed Ruscha. His use of words, sometimes laid over recognizable images and sometimes just on a gradient of color, have always been compelling and thought provoking to me.
Ed Ruscha by Dennis Hopper. 1964
Ferus Gallery
His first recognition as an artist came in the 60s when he had his first show at Ferus Gallery, a groundbreaking space in LA that championed a number of California artists, including Robert Irwin and Richard Diebenkorn, already in the ‘Artists I Love’ series.
Large Trademark with Eight Spotlights, 1961
An interesting side note for those who think New York is and always has been the first city of art in America. It was at the Ferus Gallery in 1962 that Andy Warhol had is very first solo art exhibition. It consisted of his Campbell Soup Cans and 5 of the paintings sold. They cost $100.00 each. The gallery owner, Irving Blum, decided all the paintings should stay together and cancelled all 5 of the purchases. Just imagine what they would be worth now if the collectors had been able to take possession of the paintings.
Ruscha was firmly in the grips of the new pop art aesthetic when he started. He liked using the images of the world he saw, mundane and non-elitist, similar to Warhol, Johns and Lichtenstein.
Ed Ruscha – Standard Station, 1963
But he had a subversive side that pushed further than simple pop visualization. He added an element that he said was based purely on his visual curiosity, as in, ‘I wonder what a standard station would like like if it were burning.’ And there is that innocent, gee whiz, element to it. But there is no denying that culturally and socially he was making a statement.
Ed Ruscha – Burning Standard Station, 1965-1966
He took it even further when he depicted the new heart of art in Los Angeles, the LA County Museum of Art, opened just a year earlier, burning down. This wasn’t a generic gas station, this was biting the hand the fed him. I remember this painting for two reasons. One, I was taken to the LACMA soon after it opened by my parents. Number two being it was right next door to the famous La Brea Tar Pits, home to long-deceased dinosaurs.
Ed Ruscha, Los Angeles County Museum On Fire – 1965-68
Liquid Words
In the late 60s Ruscha started doing paintings of liquid in the shape of words.
Lisp – 1968
Sometimes it would be water, but other times it would be a liquid connected to the word, as in ‘Ripe’.
Ripe – 1967
Adios written honey is another example. By having the ants stuck in the honey we know who the ‘adios’ is meant for. But it also allows us to abstract that idea out to larger situations that could include humans. It’s literal and metaphorical at the same time.
Adios – 1967
Unconventional Media
The painting of fruit juice or honey to look realistic is one thing, but taking non-art materials and actually using them as your art-making material was another step. Ruscha, influenced by Duchamp’s readymades and other artists using found objects, started to do the same. One of his most interesting series in that vein is the gunpowder series.
It’s simple enough, he drew with gunpowder instead of graphite. It looks the same in many ways but he liked something about it’s texture and how he could work with it. It was not lost on him however that simply using the word ‘gunpowder’ in his list of materials was part of the artwork and the meaning.
Quit – Gunpowder and colored pencil on paper – 1967
Self – Gunpowder on paper – 1967
Eye – Gunpowder on paper – 1970
No Words
He also started doing work with no words at all.
Man Wife – 1987
Strong Healthy – 1987
And what does he do when he uses no words? He leaves blank spaces where words would be then titles the pieces so that you believe the title fits into those spaces.
Sentences
Eventually Ruscha started to incorporate whole sentences into his work. They were mundane and unremarkable in their reference to the everyday world but when disembodied from their usual context became rich in possible meanings. As usual though, there wasn’t any one interpretation that was right or wrong.
Pay Nothing Until April, 2003
I Don’t Want No Retro Spective – 1979
Of course, as one might expect given Ruscha’s inclination towards word play and irony, this painting became the cover of a retrospective book on his art work.
The Act of Letting A Person Into Your Home – 1983
Oklahoma
In doing this piece I came across something about Ruscha I didn’t know; he was raised in Oklahoma, where I now live. It actually has found it’s way into his work in many more ways than I realized. From his cross-country travels from Oklahoma to LA where he discovered his love for the landscape and the iconic gas stations along the way to the use of the words Tulsa and OK again and again in his work, Ruscha always remained connected to his roots.
Tulsa – 1967 – Gunpowder on paper
OK – 1990 – Lithography
Tulsa Slut – 2002 – Acrylic on canvas
This is from a series he did on palindromes, words or phrases that can be read the same forward or backward.
No Man’s Land – 1990 – Acrylic on canvas
Even when he doesn’t use words he is still often asking a question, ok?
Meaning and Questioning
One of the questions that gets asked about Ruscha’s work has to do with meaning. What is he trying to say, what does he mean? I think the best way to understand Ruscha’s meaning is to replace the word ‘meaning’ with ‘question’ since he isn’t really much of an answerer or a propagandist. He reminds me of a visual Paul Simon. Simon’s lyrics often stop short of an clear storyline, instead they give pictures and hints about meaning. Ruscha does the same thing and that’s why he is an artist I love.
In 2013 Ruscha was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people.
Resources
This is not a exhaustive showing of his work or explanation of his place in contemporary art or art history. There are incredible resources to explore if you are interested in finding out more about his work and life. Here are just a few.
Betsy heard it first as she was running her usual Saturday morning run. She had a long training run that morning and had decided to run through some lightly used trails that criss crossed open fields in the State Park behind her college. Most of the students who ran stayed much closer to home, usually running around the campus perimeter on the sidewalk. But Betsy liked the freedom and open space of getting off the beaten path. It allowed her time to let her mind wander creatively, something she sorely needed on a regular basis at her school.
As the sound got louder she looked up and saw something streak across the sky. It hit the ground within 50 feet of her, creating a big indentation in the grass. Once it hit it stayed put, not rolling, not tipping over. She ran over to it, stopping a short distance away, expecting it might be hot. She held her hands out as she walked slowing towards it. She felt no heat so she continued until she was arms distance away.
It appeared to be made of rough, porous stone. There were inscribed lines radiating out from its center and bright jewel-like lights in between the inscribed lines. She touched the stone, then one of the lights. When she touched the light a quiet tone played. It sounded like it was coming from everywhere at once. She touched another stone and a different tone, equally as quiet, played. She continued touching the lights, trying to hear how many different tones the object could play. She figured out that it played what seemed to be eight tones in one octave and the another eight tones exactly one octave higher.
She tried touching two lights at one time. When she did that the object played a chord. The two tones of the two lights and a third complementary tone. All the tones and the chords were incredibly beautiful to listen to. Like the clearest bell she had ever heard.
Betsy spent the next 3 hours playing the object. She found out she could make a tone repeat regularly if she held her finger on the light for 3 seconds. She found if she quickly tapped a light twice it would play the light’s normal tone and a harmonic tone at the same time. After about an hour she felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket. She brought it out and found that her music player was notifying her that a new song had been downloaded. She went to the player and found the song. It was untitled with no cover art, no information about it at all. She played the song and heard the object’s tones. It was the sounds she had been playing.
She put the phone away and went back to playing the object. She learned more tricks and methods and came up with what she thought was a pretty cool composition. After another hour her phone vibrated again and another song from the object had been downloaded. It was the composition she had just come up with. She did this one more time, increasing the complexity and rhythm of the composition and one more time the object sent the music to her phone.
She realized it was getting late and that she had to get back to her Sorority for a big event that night. She tried pushing the object, thinking she might be able to roll it to an out of the way place. That way maybe no one else would find it and she could continue to play it. However, there was no moving the object. She would just have to hope it was still there when she came back.
Chapter Two
The event that night was a mixer with a fraternity from a neighboring school. The girls all went over to the frat in a bus. Some of the girls had already started drinking at the sorority house and were tipsy by the time the party started. The guys were all vying for attention by doing stupid party tricks or dangerous stunts out the windows and on the roof of the frat house while the girls oowed and awed.
Betsy was bored with it all and decided to find a quiet room where she could listen to the songs she made with the object. She walked into a 3rd story bedroom. Her head was down looking at her phone and she was just about to push play as she entered when she heard a grunting sound and looked up. A young woman was on the bed being held down by a large burly young man. He had on the frats sweatshirt but his pants were down around his ankle. The woman was topless, her bra in the man’s hand, which was also pinning her arm down on the bed. Her skirt was up around her waist. The woman screamed, ‘Betsy, help me!”
Betsy dropped her phone and leaped towards the man. She tackled him and the two of them fell off the bed and onto the wood floor. Just as the man started to raise his fist to strike her Betsy heard the object’s music starting to play. The man’s arm fell and his twisted, angry face lost all expression. He went limp and blank.
Betsy jumped off him and turned to look at her Sorority sister. It turned out to be Selena, one of the new girls, one she hadn’t really met except for at the rush party a few weeks earlier. Betsy asked if she was ok, if he had raped her. Selena said no, he hadn’t actually penetrated her yet but he was just about to. Betsy quickly turned back toward the man, double checking to see if he had gotten up, but he hadn’t. She picked up her phone, shut off the music and called 911. The ambulance was there within 3 minutes, as were the police. They all dealt with it as they should have; having a counselor available, taking her to the hospital, testing her, taking photos and arresting the man.
Chapter Three
The would-be rapist, a student named Bradford, eventually woke up from his stupor. He contritely confessed to the police that he had attempted to rape Selena and that he would have if Betsy hadn’t stopped him. He said he didn’t remember anything after she tackled him except some weird music as he went down. He said he had no idea where the music came from and the police chalked it up to him being knocked out cold. He was tried and convicted of attempted rape and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He would get off in 7 if he behaved himself.
Betsy was hailed a hero by Selena, her sorority and the entire school. She got a call from Good Morning America to be interviewed about the incident and it became a national story. Time magazine did an article on the everyday heros of America and she was #12 on the list. A guy who saved puppies was right above her at #11. She tried to explain that she had no idea why he went out like a light the way he did, but most people credited it on the blow to his head as he hit the floor. It went well with the story of her being strong and fearless and there wasn’t much she could do about it. She wanted to tell someone about the music playing a part in it but she knew it would make no sense. But even if it had made sense it wouldn’t have mattered. The next time she tried to play the music it had all disappeared from her phone.
Because of all the attention and activities surrounding her saving Selena from being raped she didn’t get back to the field with the object in it for almost a week. When she did go back the object was gone. There was an indentation in the ground, but that was it.
Chapter Four
Fourteen years later she had her second and final run in with violence. She was driving on the freeway, her two kids in car seats in the back when a truck cut her off in traffic and slammed on his breaks. She just barely avoided smashing into him. The man, red-faced and angry, got out of his car and stomped back to hers.
She was scared to death but was able to roll up all the windows and lock the doors before he arrived. He started yelling obscenities at her, telling her she was a danger to society, that she should learn how to drive and that he was going to teach her a lesson. She turned to the front media console and pressed the emergency call button she had programmed. As she did this she took a quick look in her rear view mirror. She saw her 5 year old panic stricken, about to cry. But her 7 year old was calm, looking down and playing with the old cell phone her mother had given her as a play toy.
As she got 911 on the line and told them what was happening the man violently busted in her side window with his elbow. She screamed as he reached in to grab her neck. She grabbed his arm instead and pushed it towards the steering wheel. She pressed his hand against the wheel and Hit his elbow as hard as she could. She heard a sickening crack. He screamed in pain while at the same time bringing up his left hand. In his hand was a gun. He was in the act of aiming it at her face when she heard the music. It was the music of the object from so long ago. The man went blank just as the rapist had. He dropped the gun and dropped to the ground.
She turned quickly around to see how her kids were. Her 7 year old looked up, smiled and said, “That’s my favorite song. I made it up myself.”
This and all napkin drawings are for sale, original or print. Please email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Curiosity
One of my favorite characteristics in my daughters is their curiosity. I love how they like to talk about anything and everything. I like how they are up for most any activity, even if it’s something they haven’t tried before. I like how their attitude towards new people and places is enthusiastic and welcoming. I like being that way as well. It’s a true positive in my mind.
Curiosity can lead to being easily distracted, it’s true. It also can lead to not having strong opinions about certain things because you are open to any number of directions. For example:
Random person: “Marty, Do you want to go to the beach or the mountains?”
Me: “Well, both are cool, both have interesting things to do and experience, I would be happy either place.”
Or
Random person: “Marty, Do you want to eat sushi or Greek?”
Me: “Well, both are cool, both have interesting tastes, both would be an adventure so I would be happy eating either cuisine.”
See what I mean? It can be negative in some situations.
Choosing
But since I eventually have to choose I try to remember choosing one of those doesn’t mean I am not interested in the other one. I am just choosing one direction in the here and now. The future? who knows. Hopefully I will be able to go in the other direction in the future!
Are you curious? How does it affect you positively and negatively?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, American politician, farmer, inventor
She was sitting across from the man, staring out at the planes landing and taking off. He observed her in between checking his email, an intriguing diversion from the drudgery of catching up with a week’s worth of business.
She was sunburnt head to toe, glowing a deep orange/red. Her hair swept back from her forehead in cornrows to an arc as if she had a headband on, but she didn’t. From there her hair fell in tight, sharp waves to her shoulders. Her top plunged low, revealing a long expanse of skin, mottled and pealing. It had that rich deep tone that said she’d spent many a day in the sun. There was the faintest view of a tanline at the edge of the blouse, but even that area was dark, as if she had taken her straps down every time she had laid out to sun.
She had on a colorful print top, bright blue jeans rolled up halfway up her calves. Her calves were well defined and she had on a new pair of running shoes. She sat upright but not stiff, holding her purse as it nestled on top of a woven basket bag that she had obviously bought while in Mexico.
I had to take my wife to work this morning and took the early morning opportunity to go to Starbucks on the way home and just hang out a while. I drew one of the Barista’s doing her job. She was pretty busy and seemed surprised and somewhat uncomprehending when I first showed it to her. I gave her my card and told her I would be posting it later in the day, after I colored it.
Most people I draw actually never come to the blog to see the drawing and they never contact me to get a copy. I always think that is odd, knowing that if someone drew me I would be all about seeing the final result later. Some do contact me though and it’s always a pleasure to make a new friend in that way.
Here it is in the Starbucks, uncolored. Becky had already moved on to another spot behind the counter but I wanted to get the pic anyway just to remember some colors.
This drawing, and all my drawings, are for sale, original or print. Please email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
As many of the Napkin Kin know, I live in Oklahoma. The state of Oklahoma has been in the US national news, and even the international news, in recent weeks due to the legislature passing or attempting to pass some pretty bizarre laws. To use just two examples; they have wanted to do away with AP history classes because they show too much of what has been ‘bad’ in America. Just yesterday the State House of Representatives voted to do away with granting marriage licenses because it might make some court clerks go against their religious beliefs to give a license to a gay or lesbian couple.
And of course unless you have been living under a rock you have also heard about the SAE Fraternity at OU being video taped singing a racist chant on a party bus that included the N word and a reference to lynching.
Pointing the Finger
What do these all have in common? They all show someone (a state or a fraternity, it doesn’t matter) pointing the finger at another group and defining them negatively. The people making and defending the AP curriculum are defined as ‘Unamerican’. The lesbian and gay couples wanting to marry are defined as perverted and sinful. In the chant the African-Americans at University Oklahoma are defined as ‘undesirable’ (a euphemism for sure) as pledges to the SAE fraternity, which is bad enough. But even more despicable, they are also defined as less than human, worthy of lynching simply for being black. If one was attempting to be funny you could also see them pointing the finger one row back and saying, ‘It’s all Obama’s fault!’
All three of these ‘definitions’ can potentially hurt the person being defined. This is especially true when the finger is pointed at young people who may have not yet found their own identity. Without their identity being strong, they can be led to believe the definition is true. You see it happen all the time, a woman believing she is worthless because her abusive husband says so. A young African American believing they can’t achieve something because they have been told they aren’t smart enough or strong willed enough, to make it happen. A young progressive citizen being told that they are Unamerican because they dare to question the perfect US of A.
But the definitions do something more. They hurt the definer as well. Those SAE Frat boys are missing out by never truly knowing any African Americans. The conservative county clerk is hurt by not seeing the love, care and competence with which the lesbian or gay couple are raising their kids. The conservative misses an opportunity to see how others have been affected by the history of the US in ways he and his forebearers may not have been.
Giving the Finger
If and when this sort of thing happens to you or someone you care about, tell them to do this. Give the offending party the finger. I don’t actually mean flip them the bird. I mean, take whatever finger is pointing at you and bend it back to point at the pointer. That is where the definition belongs, with the one doing the defining, not with you.
This drawing, as well as others, are available for purchase, original or print. Please email marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by Toni Morrison, 1931- not dead yet, American author and poet
The world is full of judgment. Some of it is necessary. It’s important for us to judge risk, for example. When I went bodysurfing on vacation a few weeks back I loved it. I was raised on the beach bodysurfing and I was in my element. But I hadn’t done it in a long time and I took a few waves I shouldn’t have. My judgment wasn’t on target. As a result the waves slammed me into the sand hard enough to scrap my elbow to the bleeding point, much like a really bad rug rash. Later in the week I was much better at my judgment and had nothing but good and safe rides.
The Bad Label
Labeling is a form of judgment. It’s not the judgment of risk. It’s not the judgment even of preference or desire. It’s the judgment of simplistic stereotyping. It’s the judgment of ego and insecurity. The women pictured above have very different bodies. Someone will label the one on our left as ‘obese’. Not in the medical sense, but in the judgmental sense. Someone will label the woman on our right as anorexic. Once again, not for medical reasons, but for judgmental ones. The label is applied not to help the person being labeled, but to satisfy the labeler. The label gives the labeler comfort, it puts them higher up, it gives them moral worth because they aren’t obese or anorexic. They are better than those two women.
Negation
And when we label like that, we not only judge but we negate. We are blind to who they really are and thus we negate all other elements of their character and humanity.
We negate whether they are kind or loving or sacrificial or patient or brilliant or funny or great parents or fantastic business people or talented artists. We deny ourselves the chance to know who they are because we are so intent on our own moral and social comfort that we would rather just label, judge and be done with it.
How do you avoid doing that in your life?
This, and all my drawings, are for sale, original or print. Please email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
I have been remiss in posting these days, first due to our vacation to Mexico. It was nice but unproductive work-wise.
No, this is not my leg and foot. It belongs to my sister-in-law, Earlyne, who was sitting next to me.
The death of my Father-in-Law, Tom Reynolds, which I wrote about in my last post, was right on the vacation’s heels. I have been getting the house ready for a slew of overnight guests (yes I vacuum, dust, mop and make beds) and then there are all the social and ritual events that go along with someone passing away.
These were the machines he was hooked up to in the hospital.
Coming Up
I have a number of sketchbook drawings I did over the vacation that will be coming and will be continuing the winter series I started with last week’s piece.
In addition I am working on another ‘Artist I Love’ piece. This painter is contemporary and uses words, any idea who it might be?
Where Am I?
If you know me from Facebook you know I do a lot of ‘Where Am I’ posts, where I take a picture while I am out and about, near or far, and then post it with the question, Where am I? I don’t always make it easy, sometimes so much so that I can’t even remember where I was.
Here’s a random one from the past that shouldn’t be too hard.
Where was I?
Photos and commentary by Marty Coleman. Photo of the painting by Jerry L. Thompson
As the song and bible passage goes, To everything there is a season. This has been a recent season of death for me. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a natural thing. And no, I am not the one doing the dying, at least not in the short term. But in general I am at the age when one comes in contact with death a bit more frequently than when younger. In the past week specifically my father-in-law, Tom Reynolds, and a friend, Oren Miller, have died. A little over a month ago my Aunt Jean died. My father, Skeets Coleman, passed away less than a year ago. In addition I have a friend, Charlyn Shelton, almost die in a car wreck. On social media many of my friends have shared about their loved ones passing away as well. And so I have been thinking about death recently.
Sunny Mexico / Cold USA
Two weeks ago my wife and I took off on a vacation to Punta Mita, Mexico. It’s on the Pacific Coast, just north of Puerto Vallarta. We went with her brother and sister and their spouses. It’s the first vacation of it’s kind we have ever taken together. On the surface it seemed like we planned it pretty well. Mexico was at 78-80º every day while almost all of the US was below freezing with ice, snow, wind, sleet and general weather misery.
Winter Brings the Sweetness
But there was more to this trip than the good timing of being in warm weather while our homes were in freezing temps. There was also this: We all bought trip insurance because my wife’s father, Tom Reynolds, wasn’t doing very well. He had been battling cancer for over 12 years and it finally seemed to have got the better of him. While there was some hope, it was slim. But we made our best guess and thought it would be best to go on this trip sooner than later and so we did.
But with a day and a half to go in the vacation we got the call. He had taken a turn for the worse and was in the hospital. We did our best to figure out early flights home but it was not in the cards. That meant in spite of the situation we were going to be in Mexico one more full day, leaving the morning after that.
We had a choice to make. We could lounge around the pool and ocean, static and disconnected, giving us time to dwell on our not being able to get home, or we could go out and do something. We chose to go out and do something. We spent the day at a small beach village a few kilometers away from the resort. We ate, we bought some gifts, we walked around the town. We found a real estate office and fantasized about buying the various houses that were pictured for sale in the window of the office. We people watched. I took a lot of photos of scenes on the street.
We hadn’t forgotten about Tom, but we still had to live in our circumstances. And while we had some guilt for not being there or being able to get home right away, we also had enhanced gratitude for our lives knowing that someone we loved wasn’t far from being at the end of his. In other words, it was the winter of his life that gave a portion of sweetness to the summer of ours.
Warm Life in Winter
We did make it back on schedule and went straight to the hospital. Tom was holding his own but the overall situation wasn’t looking good. The cancer had spread to his brain, he had had seizures, his blood pressure had fallen then risen and he had contracted pneumonia. He was sedated, in no pain that we knew of, and had a ventilator doing his breathing for him.
Yesterday morning, 5 days after we returned, we got another call. His blood pressure was falling and his meds were maxed out, they couldn’t adjust for that anymore. We were told to gather. With his entire family was around him those closest to him told kind and funny stories about him. They told of his passions and eccentricities.
One of the great things about his family is they were raised by him and their mother to be musical. Linda’s sister taught music and choir in high school for decades. Linda had been an opera singer in her past and their brother had been in choirs as well. And so, as we gathered around him, they started singing his favorite hymns and some of our favorites, among others. I sang in the background or hummed along as I was able. But a lifetime of them knowing how to sing with each other came out and soft transcendent harmonies of love and beauty sent him on his mysterious way.
And then he was gone.
Warmth of Life in Summer
But we aren’t gone. We remain alive. We still eat and breathe and sleep. We still laugh. We still tell stories and wonder about things. We still worry about others. We still create and talk and love.
With a loved one’s passing or winter encasing us in cold we tend to see the negative, and it’s hard to argue with that. But ask yourself this: when do you most frequently hear admonitions to enjoy life, to embrace the joy and to live in the moment, to not let any opportunity pass by where you can let a loved one know (or a stranger for that matter) that you love them and are there beside them. Who do we hear that from the most? From one who has lost a loved one or almost lost their own life. It’s that brush with death that brings out in them the passion for life, right?
Running Life
After Tom died yesterday we lingered around the hospital until the funeral home came to get the body. We then went to lunch. After that it was time for me to go home and shortly thereafter I went to my job coaching runners. It was my first run in almost 2 weeks (I slacked off in Mexico, don’t judge). It was cold, foggy, misty and a bit windy. And I loved it. I loved it because I was alive to love it.
What and who are you alive to love?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by John Steinbeck, ‘Travels with Charley – In Search of America’
This and any other napkin not already sold is available for purchase. Email me at marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
“What good is the warmth of summer without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”
I turned 60 last month and posted ’60 at 60′, a sort of list of things I want to do this year. One on the list was ‘visit 6 new places’ and I am at #1 on that list this week.
I am in Punta Mita, Mexico. It’s north of Puerto Vallarta by about 45 minutes. I was raised in San Diego, California as a young boy but surprisingly never went farther into Mexico than Tijuana. So this is my first time beyond the border.
I am here with my wife, her brother and sister, and their spouses. The 6 of us have wanted to do something like this for a while and two of us turning 60 was enough of an excuse to make it happen.
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It’s an all-inclusive resort, Iberostar. I was a bit worried about that since my preference would be to experience Mexico more directly than through this filter. But it’s turned out to be better than expected and very easy, something a few our party really wanted.
The key for me so far has been to choose as authentic a direction among my choices as I can. This means that while the restaurants and buffets do have ‘American’ food they also have pretty amazing Mexican food choices as well. I continue to choose those.
We’ve been on one excursion so far, to Islas Mariettas, two islands off the coast of Punta Mita. One has a hidden beach you have to swim through a cave to get to. It really isn’t hidden, a lot of tourists go to it, but that’s ok, it was a cool experience and not that crowded in the morning.
So, Here’s an example of ‘authentic’. When we got off the boat I had to go to the bathroom and didn’t want to wait until after the bouncy drive back to the hotel. The little spot filled with fisherman and others, music, smells, carts, dogs, fishing nets and beer bottles. The bathroom was not going to be the sterilized American style, I knew that much. But it was the best smelling urinal I had been in in a long time due to their life hack of throwing their used limes into it to compensate for the smell. It’s been my favorite part of the trip so far.
This quote brings to mind one of my favorite lines in a song lyric: “Sometimes you are blinded by the very thing you need to see.” It’s from a song by Mary Chapin Carpenter, one of my favorite singer songwriters ever. What I like about it is how it continually teaches me to see things as clearly as possible, even those things so bright and shiny, so ‘perfect’ that they blind me. They might be the very thing I need to see.
And this quote is about the same thing. Am I aware of my blind spots in life? My attitudes, that are so ingrained as to be unseen? My behaviors that I have rationalized for so long that they are now completely legitimatized and seldom questioned?
Obscured
In a car, the blind spots are those areas that are blocked by the car itself. The frame of the car holding up the roof, the hood bulging out in front, covering the engine. Visors, mirrors, seats, decals, and more also add to the visibility problem.
And how are we trained to compensate for those things? We are taught to be slow and deliberate, to be methodical. We are told to move our head and body to see around the obstructions.
This can be applied to our attitudes and behaviors as well. Stop and think. In my words am I perpetuating something I have not evaluated and considered in a long time?
Looking Deeper
The other way we do this is by seeing only the surface of something. We deem something as being without value in its current state and so we overlook it. How we see the elderly is a perfect example of that.
I remember way back when I lived in San Jose, California. The pastor of our church had been fired and we had an interim pastor. He was very old, retired as a full time pastor and now just filling in as an interim when needed. On one occasion he complimented me on my suit, which included a short waisted Eisenhower style jacket. He pointed it out and said he thought I looked sharp. After that I started to look at him more closely. He wore well tailored and stylish clothes that were appropriate for his age and position. He dressed better than 90% of the men in the congregation, that was for sure. That led me to imagine him as a younger man. I saw him romancing his wife on the dance floor, looking sharp in a military uniform, and any number of other activities he might have done back in the day, all done with panache and style and a twinkle in his eye, which he still had.
We became ‘shake hands at the steps’ friends, talking about the sermon, complimenting hats, jackets, vestments, etc. He turned out to be one cool dude.
What are you missing in your blind spots?
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote by George Herbert, 1593-1633, English poet
This and many other of the napkins are for sale. Please inquire at marty@napkindad.com to find out more.
Heather played her horn for 3 hours, the entire length of the gallery opening. Her legs were cold the entire time.
Chapter Two
When she got home and undressed she realized she had forgotten to put on her pants that morning. Heather was relieved because she had been worried she might be getting bad circulation issues in her legs like her father had.
When I graduated from UC Santa Barbara in 1978 I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. Within 3 months of my arrival the Mayor of San Francisco, George Moscone, and City Supervisor Harvey Milk were assassinated by former Supervisor Dan White.
Three years later a bust honoring Mayor Moscone, created by the artist I am highlighting today, was unveiled. Here it is.
The artist is Robert Arneson. Take a close look at the detail picture. Can you see the ‘Twinkie’ and the ‘bang, bang, bang, bang,; on the pedestal? Those referred directly to the assassination, along with the imprint of a gun on the backside. As a result, the bust was rejected by the City Council and not put in City Hall as expected. The other result was Robert Arneson and his art became known throughout California and the nation.
I was at the start of graduate school at San Jose State University and learning about the fantastic artists that practiced in Northern California. There are already two of them in this series, Wayne Thiebaud and Richard Diebenkorn. And another was Robert Arneson.
Robert Arneson, 1930 – 1992
Arneson was a co-founder of the california ‘Funk Art’ movement of the 60s and 70s. He was not a painter but a sculptor using ceramics combined with non-traditional objects. He was breaking the mold of what ceramics should be by moving away from functionality and creating political, social, artistic and personal statements driven by his personality, aesthetics and beliefs.
Self
I thought about not putting a photograph of him in the article because, well, here… take a look at who his subject matter most often is.
Kiln Man‘Pic’, 1980, Lithograph. Photo courtesy of Rob Corder‘Brick Bang, 1976‘Head Lamp’, bronze with wood and bulb, 1992
Humor as Social Commentary
Obviously you can see he is very funny and works that humor into his art. But it’s more than just silly humor. It’s using humor as satire, and farce to make a statement about the social and moral issues of his time. He is in that long tradition in art that reaches all the way back to Honore Daumier in France, through to William Hogarth in Britain and on to Thomas Nast in America to name a few. Satirical art that pushed the powers that be by lampooning them has continued into the present day of course, with it’s most tragic manifestation being in the murders of the staff of Charlie Hebdo by Islamic terrorists in France in January, 2015.
It takes courage to make fun of people for a reason, and Arneson didn’t shy away from it. But, as with the great satirical artists before him, he often wasn’t pointing so much at a particular person as he was using that person as an example of a larger corruption, a more widespread idiocy in society or morals.
Colonel Hyena, ceramic on metal base, 1985Hiroshima UrnNuclear Warhead, 1984‘Primary Discharge’, 1990, earthenware and glaze
Upending the Classical
He also liked upending the aesthetics of the classical. To do this he literally just did it. He took something classical, a column. And upended it by adding a head on top, on bottom, falling off, etc. Of course the head in all these cases was his own.
Pedestals, 1992, Bronze, UC San FranciscoBig Laughs, CeramicTemple of Fatal Laffs – detail
Egg Heads
Towards the end of his life Arneson started doing a series that seemed more melancholy and universal, the ‘egg head’ series. They are more of a meditation on life and death than anything else, and it makes sense that they would be as Arneson was by this time diagnosed with cancer and was struggling with these monumental issues.
WorthSee No Evil, Hear No Evil (Egghead series), 1989, UC Davis
And More
As with any prolific artist there are a lot more pieces you won’t ever see than that you will see. Here are some others I thought worthy of your attention.
Wolf Head (Jackson Pollack), 1989, Bronze and RedwoodSinking Brick, 1966, terracottaBrick Bang, 1976Golden Rod, 1969, Luster Glazed CeramicBenicia Bench, 1991, Bronze
Courage of the Artist
What I appreciated about Arneson more than anything else was his determination from early on to be truly himself. What I mean is he withstood pressure to be a classic ceramic artist, to be serious, to be socially active the way others had been before him. But those things weren’t him and he knew it. He stated in his life and in his work, ‘This is who I am and what I do. These are my creations done as I see fit.’ Which is, after all, the essential job description of an artist.
Resources
To learn more about Arneson and his art world, you can use these resources:
Some artwork photographed by Rob Corder. You can see a much larger collection of Arneson’s work at Corder’s flickr page as well as extensive photographs from many art museums.
A few years back I happened upon a post on Facebook. It had a request to help out a young woman in Africa named Mandy Stein. She was working at an orphanage and was hoping for some donations to help the kids get a new orphanage building.
Mandy in the middle of the construction
I followed Mandy on FB and paid attention to her. She was from Texas, was about the same age as my daughter Caitlin, and had gone to Tanzania on a volunteer program a few years before. She decided that instead of doing the tourist activities the volunteers were free to do in the afternoons she would continue to find ways to serve. One of the people suggested she spend the afternoon helping at the Tuleeni Orphanage.
While she was in Tanzania a young boy gave her the Swahili name Neema (like Emma but with an N). It became her name and it became the name of the non-profit she set up to facilitate her efforts in helping the Tuleeni Orphanage and surrounding town.
She graduated from University of Texas and moved to Tanzania, where she is still. She lives and works full time at the Orphanage, helping the children in their schooling, leading efforts to build a community center and home, and teaching in a local school.
She is an incredible woman, profoundly dedicated to these children in every way you can imagine.
Happy
But all that is not what impresses me most about her. What impresses me most? Her happiness. She does all of this with an incredible joy, a joy that really does overflow through pictures, writing and video from over 10,000 miles away. I can only imagine how infectious and beautiful it is in person. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have down times, I mean come on, she left everything she ever knew in her whole life and moved to Africa, of course she has times she misses things and people and can feel sad. It’s not about if she ever feels that. It’s about her being happy in spite of those things.
Mandy and Mama Faraji, founder of Tuleeni Orphanage
And why is she so happy? I have a funny feeling she probably has always been a happy person, but maybe not, I don’t know. But I do know that her happiness (as I have seen it) stems from a deep and abiding love for her new world. For the kids, the workers, the town, the country. She loves doing what she does. She loves helping. She is happy doing these things. And as a result? She does them VERY WELL. No reluctance, no hesitation, no second guessing. She is an ‘All-In’ spirit that infuses everything and everyone around her.
The Power of Happiness
When she was a young child, only 5 years old, Mandy determined she would change the world. And she is. But what she didn’t know then, but does probably know now, is that it was going to be by following her love, joy and happiness that she would do it.
What I always try to remember, and what Mandy shows me in action, is that the pursuit and fulfillment of happiness isn’t a bad thing, it can actually be the best thing, for yourself and for others.
“My Life is Pretty Great” – Mandy
If you would like to help Mandy, I encourage you to donate and follow Neema International. Pay attention to their work and continue to offer support and encouragement as often as you can. Here are the links where you can make it happen.
This is a repost of yesterday’s post. I had some problems yesterday at the site and had to revert back to an earlier database.
How Strong is Your Why?
We don’t like being uncomfortable. We don’t like denying ourselves. We don’t like struggling. And we usually avoid those things if at all possible. So, why do we allow those things in our life?
One reason is found in this question. Are you working towards a goal in life? If you are, you know the power it can have on your willingness to go through hell. The examples are plethoristic (I just made up that version of the word). In my case it is often my willingness to go through crazy cold or crazy heat while running. I do it because it is important to my goal of running my upcoming race the best I can.
With another person it might be raising your kids to have a better life than you had. Immigrants often say that is why they are willing to come to America. The Dr. from Bangladesh who is willing to take a menial job in the US just to guarantee his kids have a brighter future. Sometimes it may be a goal you find to be shallow. Maybe your friend has this driving desire to be famous. Or a family member is obsessed with being super wealthy. We certainly won’t agree with everyone’s reasons.
How Strong is Your How?
Whatever your goal, you still have to take action to make it happen. That is where you find out how bad you want something. Many people take the first step, even the second step. But somewhere along the arch of our lives we eventually reach a point where a particular goal doesn’t seem attainable, no matter how much one struggles for it. Often it’s because it’s not what you thought it was.
I just read the blog of an online friend the other day who said she was giving up on her goal of being a fitness competitor. It’s not that she didn’t want to look like a fitness competitor, it’s because she realized the trauma and deprivation she would have to go through to get in that ‘stage ready’ shape was just too much for her. It wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t what she expected. And that is ok. It’s good. We all have to be honest about what we want and what we are willing to do to get it. And that includes telling ourselves, “This is not for me.”
Honesty
But the real tragedy is when we really DO want something but we just aren’t willing to put in the work to make it happen. That, to me, is the true sadness behind laziness in life – all the unreached goals.
So, what is your goal? Are you honest about it? Is it realistic? Is it something you are willing to work for? If it is then don’t make the mistake of choosing comfort and ease over effort. Don’t think of all the ways to get out of doing the work, focus on the ways to make the work count. You can do it.
Drawing and commentary by Marty Coleman Gender variation on a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844 – 1900, German philosopher Original quote – “He who has a why in life can bear almost any how.”
This, and all the napkin drawings, are for sale. Email marty@napkindad.com to inquire.
Have you ever felt lost? I have. Many times. By lost I don’t mean I didn’t know where I was. I mean I didn’t know where I was going or, in most cases, I knew where I wanted to go I just didn’t know how to get there. That’s probably been my main feeling of ‘lost’ over the years.
The Napkin Dad Daily
My Napkin Dad endeavor is a good example. I knew why I did it at the beginning, in 1998, obviously. I was drawing for my daughters. If you don’t know that story you can check it out at the ‘Napkin Beginnings‘ page. After they finished school I posted those drawings online for my friends and audience at Flickr.com starting in 2005 and on The Napkin Dad Daily starting in 2008.
And for 10 years now I have continued to do that. It became a way for me to express myself artistically and intellectually. I felt I had simply expanded my idea from giving these expressions to my daughters to giving them to the entire world. And the napkins have gone all around the world. I have friends in every corner of the globe as a result of the napkins. I even got a tw0-page spread in a big coffee table book about the history of napkins published in Norway!
Time for a Change
It also became a way for me to make money. I became friends and then professional partners with great people in Australia as a result of the napkins. I sold merchandise based on the napkins; t-shirts, cups, cards, a book and even the napkins themselves. I have also done many paid and unpaid speaking gigs based on me being ‘The Napkin Dad’.
But I don’t make very much money doing this. It’s been a labor of love that has been made possible by my wife, Linda, supporting us on her salary, for which I am very grateful. I contribute some, but not nearly as much as she does. Last year I decided that if I was going to continue doing the napkins I would need to focus on making it a viable business that made substantially more money than it had been.
Launch
So I enrolled in an entrepreneurial class at Tulsa Community College called ‘Launch’ in 2014. It was a 16 week program dedicated to teaching some of the essentials of owning a business and actually mentor the participants so they could actually launch their business by the end of the class. I had high hopes for the class and many of my hopes were realized. But some of my hopes were not realized and the reason for that was my inability to find and refine my purpose and direction.
But not being able to launch my new direction in 16 weeks didn’t mean I wasn’t working on it. I was and I am.
What’s In A Name?
While many ingredients go into a business, it really starts with an idea and a name. My moniker has always been ‘The Napkin Dad’ and that isn’t changing. The name of the blog has been ‘The Napkin Dad Daily’ and that is changing. It’s now simply, ‘The Napkin‘.
The reasons?
My 4 daughters are all grown women now. Two of them have children of their own. I am not an active dad of young kids that the word ‘dad’ in a blog would hint at.
I most often draw and I write about things not directly related to raising kids or being a parent. This has started to create a conflict in my own head, with the name no longer accurately reflecting what The Napkin is about. It’s no longer primarily about me as a dad, it’s about me as a man and an artist. My focus has changed over the years and I want the name of my endeavor to reflect that.
I want to broaden the appeal and keeping ‘dad’ in the title immediately puts me in a genre I don’t really fit anymore. People come to blogs based on those sorts of genre titles and it’s appeal is limited because of the title.
Absorbent Art
The other element in a title is the ‘tag line’. It’s the descriptive phrase that succinctly says what the enterprise is all about. At the beginning the word ‘absorbent’ attached itself to the blog. As I worked through new ideas the word ‘absorbent’ stayed constant. I recently tried out ‘Absorbent Ideas for Head and Heart’ But it still lacked the definition I wanted. Last night I changed one word.
Now it reads, ‘Absorbent Art for Head and Heart‘.
That clarified and focused my thinking about the entire endeavor.
The Napkin is about:
My art; the creating, sharing and selling of it.
Sharing other artists and their art with you in conversations, studios, galleries, museums and online.
Helping other artists via creativity coaching.
Exploring the ideas, subjects and beliefs that drive the creation of art.
Inspiring and motivating others as a speaker to bring out their creativity in positive ways.
My passionate belief that the individual and the world can be changed for the better by art.
Call To Action
Yes, I would like you to do something for me. Maybe even a few things.
Suggest improvements or new features on the website or if see a problem, let me know. The contact information
Donate financially to the building of The Napkin. There are costs associated with trying to get this launch off the ground and any little bit helps. There is a ‘Donate’ button over on the right.
Hire me as your Creativity Coach. If you need a jump start with your own creative endeavors I will work with you to get you back in the creative groove, no matter how long ago you put that groove on the shelf. Here is a post about it.
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Absorbently,
Marty
Drawing by Marty Coleman
Quote by President John F. Kennedy, 1917 – 1963, 35th President of the United States (1961-1963)
The artist had 3 friends. The 3 friends were with the artist at a bar one night when they all saw a very attractive man at the same time. They decided to play Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would get the first chance of going up and saying hello. Paper won.
Chapter Two
The artist took a picture of them playing the game. He decided to make 3 sculptures of his friends and used the photo of their game playing as a basis for the artwork. The 3 friends didn’t know he was doing this.
Chapter Three
The 3 friends went to the artist’s gallery opening and immediately knew the pieces were of them by the hair and eye shadow color. The crowd loved the 3 sculptures and they sold quickly to a famous collector from Washington D.C.. He was very excited to meet the 3 models and had his assistant take a photo of himself with the models and artist in front of the pieces.
Epilogue
Paper ended up pregnant with the very attractive man she met that night at the bar. The baby was born 9 months later. and by that time the very attractive man at the bar had enlisted in the army and was off in Afghanistan. He was killed by an IED the day after the baby was born. Paper moved back to Minneapolis to live with her parents. They helped raise the baby while she worked and got her GED then bachelors degree. She worked as a bookkeeper for 40 years and never married. Her daughter became an art dealer.
The artist went on to have a great career, in large part because the collector had bought those pieces. He ended up marrying Scissors who went on to get her Ph.D in Anthropology and taught at Columbia until she retired.
The collector sold the 3 pieces 15 years later for 17.5 million dollars at Sotheby’s to an anonymous telephone bidder. He reinvested the money in land and retired to the Virginia countryside to raise horses.
Rock turned out to be the anonymous buyer of the sculptures. She had made her fortune in Pharmaceuticals, working her way up from salesperson to CEO of a very large company. She displayed the sculptures in the lobby of her company, feeling they reinforced her philosophy that hard work, game playing and chance were the driving force behind all success.
The paintings the artist did of nude men with big penises didn’t sell at all and he stopped painting them. They eventually ended up in storage in the barn at the family farm in Texas. They were stored in a loft, covered with sheets and stuck behind a wall of barrels, undiscovered until 28 years later, after the artist died unexpectedly. His children put the paintings up for auction where they fetched 225 million dollars, a record for a recently deceased artist at the time. Paper’s daughter was the dealer who sold the paintings. Her commission was 11 million dollars.
I see myself helping my daughters grow up, so that must be my purpose. Or perhaps you see your work efforts as a social worker pay off so that must be your purpose. Those are simple definitions. Simplicity is there because we usually think our purpose is defined by what we can quantify, explain, organize and see. When we do that it’s not a stretch to feel our purpose pass us by. We get older, our kids grow up and don’t need us as much or we retire and our job is over. Then what? Then we can become depressed and lack enthusiasm for life if we aren’t careful.
Your Complex Purposes
But what if you believed that your purposes in life are MUCH more complex than that AND you gave up trying to figure them all out? Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to try to figure out and focus on some of them, of course. But there are dark periods of life when you are blinded by the pain and can see no purpose. There are also sublime moments in life when your purpose is SO OBVIOUS that you can miss the other, more subtle purposes. And then there are the purposes your life has that you will never, ever know.
A Further Test
Does a person in a coma have a purpose? If yes, then obviously it’s a purpose they are not in control of. If no, then you are categorically giving up having any doctor, nurse, staff, family or counselor learn and grow from treating, growing or learning from the person in the coma. But we know that is not true. We know the medical staff could possibly learn very important things in how to treat a coma patient. We know a family member could be deeply moved and transformed by seeing their loved one in a coma. And what is that if not part of the person’s purpose in life?
In other words, If you are alive, you have purposes. They may not all be ones you are aware of, but your life is greater than you realize and accepting that is a key to both happiness and hope.
Drawing and Commentary by Marty Coleman
Quote attributed to both Richard Bach and Lauren Bacall
“Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you are alive, it isn’t. “
The origin of the drawing was a quick sketch at Crystal Bridges Museum of Art in Bentonville, Arkansas. There was an area of the temporary exhibition where people were handing out paper and clipboards and encouraging people to draw. I took one and told them I would use my own pen but they said pens weren’t allowed. So I used their pastels instead. I only took the black one, which they thought was odd. I did the quick sketch of my wife Linda gesturing like a spokesmodel on ‘The Price is Right’ to two paintings behind her and brought it home with me. I drew and painted it to completion this morning.
The Nickname – A Short Short Story
Prologue
Penelope hated her nickname.
Chapter One
She was excited to go to the opening because she really liked the artist. She wore a strapless dress and clunky heels. She spent a fair amount of time at the opening explaining to her friend, Benita, different things about the paintings. Benita listened but didn’t really care. She just kept thinking how glad she was she didn’t have that nickname, especially in this particular situation.
Epilogue
Penelope eventually moved away from New York. She landed in St. Paul, Minnesota and made sure no one there ever knew her nickname.
This past Saturday I turned 60 years old. I’ve been thinking about this birthday for quite a while, for years actually. But I haven’t thought about it negatively. Yes, there is a sort of fatalistic element to some of the thoughts, I am growing older, I don’t have forever, I wonder if I will live as long as my mother (died age 62, way too early) or my father (died age 96, just about right). I am working on the 96 assumption. Gives me more things to plan for! Of course I really don’t know, as do any of us, when my time to move on will come. I have been through enough tragedy and accidents to know it could happen any time and I am ok with that.
Most of my thoughts about turning 60 have been very positive. For example, it’s great to get up in front of the runners I coach and say, “I’m running a marathon at age 60. If I can do it, you can do it.” I also don’t mind being able to run faster than 90% of the people I coach, many of whom are 1/2 my age. It’s also a bit of a thrill to say I am 60 and have people stare at you like you are crazy because they just don’t believe it. A little ego boost is a good thing at 60.
But there has been something deeper about turning 60 than just an ego boost. It’s also about being at that interesting tipping point in life when you no longer have to prove or defend yourself, but you still have hopes that some of the most profound and important things in your contribution to humanity are still ahead. You aren’t done, but you aren’t just starting either. For example, I don’t have to try to convince someone I am an artist as younger people often do. If they don’t have an exhibition record or sales or a lot of work to show, then are they really an artist? Can they make it as one? Do their parents and family think they really are one, or are they just dabbling, is it just a phase?
I don’t have to worry about that. I started as an artist at about age 17. That was 43 years ago. I have 43 years of being an artist. I have years of teaching, selling, showing, etc. It’s already a done deal. That doesn’t mean I have been a great success, I haven’t. But you don’t have to be a great success as an artist to be an artist. All you have to do is create art. I’ve done that for a LONG time. I am an artist.
60 at 60
One of the things that came to me leading up to 60 is that I want to be more conscientious and deliberate about things I do. To do that I decided to make a list of 60 things I want to do at 60. Each thing is to be done in multiples of 6, preferably simply 6, 60, 600, 6,000, etc.
I haven’t finished the list, I am giving myself 60 days to do that. But I have some written down so far. I know myself pretty well at age 60 and I am not making some grand proclamation that I am doing all of these. They are ideas I hope to implement. I think I will implement some completely, some partially, some not at all.
Here is my list so far. Feel free to contribute ideas in the comments below.
Write 60 cards to people.If you want one of these, send me your street address to my email, Marty@napkindad.com
Walk the dogs 60 times.I know, I know, don’t I already do that? No, I don’t. So, sue me.
Sell 60 art pieces.I already sold one this year. That one counts even though it was before my birthday. Why? Because I say so. If you want to buy a drawing, let me know!
Attain 6,000 average viewers a day on my blog and associated platforms. I probably first should figure out my numbers as of now, ya think?
Add 600 people to my newsletter address book. I have about 900 now so 1,500 total would be a good goal.
Give away 60 books. I have a lot of books. Most of these will go to Goodwill I think.
Delete 60 people from Facebook friends list. I have 1,900 or so friends so 60 shouldn’t be too hard, right?
Book 6 paid speaking engagements. I have given a lot of presentations over the years and need to organize and promote that better.
Finish 6 major website upgrades. The first one is already done, that is a theme change that I implemented last week. 5 to go.
Do 6 pull ups. I was able to do 3 last year but now am back down to 1 (I’ve been lazy in the cross-training department)
Fix 6 things . I went to Virginia to visit my daughter last month and I did a ton of DIY stuff around her house. If I can do it around her house I can do it around my house too.
Build 6 things. I built a cool bookshelf from our old piano a number of years ago. I want to do more things like that.
Cook 60 meals from scratch.I love to cook but most of the time I do more heating up than cooking. When I do cook it’s usually nothing special. I want to cook more cool stuff from scratch.
I asked on Facebook for some suggestions and here are some I think I might work on as well.
Melanie suggested 6 fish tacos
Lauren said be grateful for 6 things when you wake up and 6 when you go to bed.
Angelika offered 6 half marathons
Sex 60 times was Sam‘s recommendation
Byron thought riding my bike 60 times was a good idea
Jenny wants me to do 6 or 60 random acts of kindness
Jenny also thinks I should give $60 to someone who needs it or by $60 dollars worth of stuff for someone.
Jill thinks I can try 6 new food types each month
Janis wants me to wish on 6 or 60 or 600 coins thrown in a fountain
Robi thinks running 600 miles this year is doable.
Take pictures of 6 families who can not afford a photographer is Anna‘s offering
Judy has ‘pay it forward at least 6 times’ as her recommendation
Jill says a bubble bath for 60 minutes while I eat 6 chocolates and drink 6 (or 60) ounces of champagne should be on my list
Margaret concludes 6 affirmations said to myself and repeated 6 times for 60 days would be worthwhile
Cynthia thinks I need to do a top 6 countdown of something
Suzanne says visiting each grandchild 6 times this year needs to be done
Courtney wants me to donate $6,000 dollars to her 6 times in 2015
Chanting 666 on public transit until I get beat up is Julie‘s brilliant idea
Jeanne suggests 6 marathons in 6 states in 6 days
John wants me to back a big cake and cut it into 60 pieces and freezing them so I can bring one out every 6th day and eat it
Pam wants to hear me sing 6 songs from the 60s
Roxanne contributes 6 times a day for 6 days find 6 reasons to make 6 people’s lives easier
Sidney thinks I should breathe 60 billion times and keep count
John wants me to attend a concert with 6 musicians in it
Earl says I should do 20 push ups three times a day
Run 60 miles in 6 days is Brian‘s suggestion
I will keep you informed of my progress over the year. In the meanwhile, what are your suggestions?
The artist, Bethany, was having her first solo art exhibition in 3 years. She had done a series of paintings of nude biblical figures. The painting she was giving her gallery talk about was titled ‘Mary and Elizabeth’. It depicted the New Testament story when Mary went to visit her cousin Elizabeth after she found out she was pregnant and Elizabeth’s baby jumped in her womb when the two of them greeted on the road in front of Elizabeth’s house.
Chapter Two
Bethany was explaining why in particular she painted Mary, the mother of Jesus and Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, nude. The paintings had caused a lot of controversy, even having been mentioned on cable new shows. Fox News had condemned the exhibition, saying it was disgusting and disrespectful. Others had been not so opinionated but still said they didn’t think the exhibition was worth seeing. “Unbiblical” was what one mainstream news outlet had said. A satirical website had called the piece ‘umbilical’, which Bethany thought was pretty funny.
Chapter Three
The artist told the story of her own life, having been raised by nudist parents in California. She said she loved being raised that way and that it taught her so much about not judging people based on outer beauty or style. When she went away to college to major in art she was drawn to figure drawing classes. She hit upon the idea of painting biblical figures nude when she went to Europe and saw many allegorical, historical, and mythological paintings that included nudes. She noticed however that paintings illustrating the Old and New Testament almost never had complete nudes in them. She decided to do a series on New Testament stories as a result.
Chapter Four
She had two of her friends pose for the piece. One was KimLee who was raised in an evangelical family who would not approve. They had met in college when KimLee had come into the Student Union gallery and looked at Bethany’s paintings. They became friends. KimLee had already posed secretly for her a number of times. She had always been shown without her face or Bethany had changed her face so she wasn’t recognizable, which Bethany promised she would do this time as well. The other was the Gallery’s assistant curator, Suzy, who had been pregnant with twins when Bethany came up with the idea. Not many people knew it but Suzy had been an ‘adult entertainer’ in college. She loved the idea of being in the painting. She wanted to be Mary in the the painting because she thought it would be cool if a stripper was Jesus’ mom.
Chapter Five
KimLee and Suzy met for the first time at the gallery talk. It turns out their babies were born just two months apart a little more than a year earlier. They hit it off while contemplating the painting after the gallery talk, comparing notes about what it was like to pose and to have their naked bodies out in public for all to see. KimLee explained how no one knew it was her and Suzy explained how everyone knew it was her, including some former ‘clients’ who had come to the exhibition not realizing Suzy was no longer a stripper but a respected gallery worker. They both laughed at how they had come from such different directions to arrive at the exact same spot.
Epilogue
KimLee and Suzy became great friends. They had playdates for their kids together, went to lunch once a month and eventually started a company together that had sales topping one million dollars last year. Their sons became best friends and both became elementary school teachers.
Bethany’s next show was of self-portrait nudes. It led to her being kicked off the PTA.
